How are your resolutions for 2011 holding up? Or did you resolve not to make any resolutions? I made two: finish my novel, and meditate every day. The meditation is going well, but the first draft of the novel is still awaiting my attention.
I have good excuses – but don’t we always?
The arse-end of 2010 turned my brain to mush and I’m battling to regain my lost peace of mind – hence the dedication to meditation. It’s the only thing keeping me sane as 2011 rears in my face and threatens to kick my teeth in.
On the back of a fresh round of rejections of my writing, I discovered I had a psychotic neighbour, who accused me of anti-social behaviour (perhaps I was meditating too loudly!). Following that I was informed by my public sector employer that my post was no longer economically viable and would be deleted. Christmas wasn’t very Christmassy.
Lost the Plot
Chaos seems to have erupted. Almost every structure in my life is being torn to pieces. I am the eye of a storm. Fragments swirl about my not-so-calm centre and I am thrown into uncertainty.
Truth is, I’ve been unhappy with the shape of my life for some time, but inertia and fear made me complacent. Chaos is the perfect opportunity to make some changes.
In a moment of meditative clarity I realised it’s always like this. Uncertainty is reality. We build a path through that uncertainty by believing a particular narrative – a story to keep chaos at bay and shape our reality.
But the story is an illusion – it’s just what you’re choosing to believe right now. We build our narrative road and tell ourselves this road, this story, is reality. The story becomes our truth. But the truth is uncertainty.
It’s only during times when your narrative crumbles that you start to see the truth peeping through. Chaos looms all around, every road seems blocked, opportunities turn to dust, security dissolves. Your story no longer works. Who you thought you were no longer fits where you find yourself.
But now is the time you are closer to the truth, to reality. If you can combat the fear of uncertainty, you can transform your experience of great upheaval into great opportunity.
Caroline Myss reminds us: “the essence of chaos is breakdown of an illusion and the breakthrough of a truth.”
Chaos is rich with possibilities. The only limits are your imagination. If you don’t enjoy your current narrative, choose a better story.
Fly free of your story. And remember to be careful what you believe in.